Non-violence in parenting

Dr. Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi and founder of the M.K.
Gandhi Institute for Non-violence, in his June 9 lecture at the
University of Puerto Rico, shared the following story as an example of
"non-violence in parenting":

"I was 16 years old and living with my parents at the institute my
grandfather had founded 18 miles outside of Durban, South Africa , in
the middle of the sugar plantations. We were deep in the country and had
no neighbors, so my two sisters and I would always look forward to going
to town to visit friends or go to the movies.

One day, my father asked me to drive him to town for an all-day
conference, and I jumped at the chance. Since I was going to town, my
mother gave me a list of groceries she needed and, since I had all day
in town, my father ask me to take care of several pending chores, such
as getting the car serviced. When I dropped my father off that morning,
he said, ' I will meet you here at 5:00 p.m., and we will go home
together. '

After hurriedly completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest
movie theatre. I got so engrossed in a John Wayne double-feature that I
forgot the time. It was 5:30 before I remembered. By the time I ran to
the garage and got the car and hurried to where my father was waiting
for me, it was almost 6:00.

He anxiously asked me, ' Why were you late? ' I was so ashamed of
telling him I was watching a John Wayne western movie that I said, ' The
car wasn't ready, so I had to wait,
not realizing that he had already called the garage. When he caught me
in the lie, he said: ' There' s something wrong in the way I brought you
up that didn' t give you the confidence to tell me the truth. In order
to figure out where I went w rong with you, I'm going to walk home 18
miles and think about it. '

So, dressed in his suit and dress shoes, he began to walk home in the
dark on mostly unpaved, unlit roads. I couldn't leave him, so for
five-and-a-half hours I drove behind him, watching my father go through
this agony for a stupid lie that I uttered. I decided then and there
that I was never going to lie again.

I often think about that episode and wonder, if he had punished me the
way we punish our children, whether I would have learned a lesson at
all. I don't think so. I would have suffered the punishment and gone on
doing the same thing. But this single non-violent action was so powerful
that it is still as if it happened yesterday.